Living for the Moment

WORD COUNT 2954

Living for the Moment

By Francisco Delgado

GOING HOME

Through out the ages men have searched for the meaning of life; some have defined it, but few if any, have experienced it. I stumbled on it, this elusive concept that gives value to life, when I met Sandra’s family.

As I think back of those times we spent together, a warm smile comes to my face and a chuckle to my heart. From them I learned the meaning of life by watching them interact with it

Sandra’s family, like all  immigrants  came to the United States in search of a better life: they came  from Mexico. 

Her father a burley man, who stood at 5’7” and weighted about 195 lbs, first crossed the border into the United States during the Second World War. He stayed many years after the war had ended. 

 During those years he traveled from state to state in search of work in migrant labor camps. I remember him telling me of sleeping near the roadside and cooking-out in the woods to save money. He told me how he kept busy in the harvests fields, working long hours to make time pass quickly, counting the days until he could return to his native Mexico to see his family.

 At night he dreamt of being with his kids and in the arms of his Chelo, his wife.

When the day finally arrived, he readied his car. He checked the tires, which were bald, but not yet showing threads. He changed the oil and filled the gas tank. Then like a good Mexican he prayed to the Virgin de Guadalupe for a safe journey. He loaded the car with gifts for his children and groceries for the family. Then he drove into the night, tired from working all week, on a journey that would take him across two states and into Mexico.

There was very little sound the night he left, on the road, except the humming of the tires as they grabbed the pavement. The occasional headlight of another car’s seal beam, as it passed by, flashed across his face. He started to daydream of all the things he was going to do, once he got home. Then the excitement of going home gave way to a sad realization that he would have to return to his job and leave his family once again. Lost were the dreams of being with his kids as they grew up, being with his wife at night, and hearing their voices at birthday parties.

After five hours he pulled over to walk around: exercising his legs that were going numb from sitting too long. As he drove further south the terrain became drier and gave way to a flat horizon. The morning sun glowed a bright orange, an ominous warning of a scorching day. He pierces into the desert ahead and  saw the rippling waves of heat awaiting him. The temperature race upward and in no time it was approaching 110 degrees. As he drove further he ate lukewarm burritos and wash them down with warm water. His car was old and he worried about breaking down in the middle of the highway. He prayed that the threats on his tire didn’t wear through.

The sun beat down from on top and an oppressive heat radiated from the car’s hot engine. He felt trapped in a searing oven. His eyes burned from the sweat that rolled down from his browse. The opened window on his side gave no relief; it only brought in a blast of hot air. He continued on only stopping for fuel and bathroom visits . The evening brought a welcome relief from the heat he reach over and tapped the statue of San Martin de Porres that was glued to the dash. He arrived late that night, after driving 36 hours, to surprises his family.

Once inside the house he jostled with his boys. After the boys turn, the girls reached out with their arms extended crying out for daddy to pick them up. He then turned to the girls and in one move swooped them up in his arms. His wife watched with tears at seeing him again and seeing her children’s excitement. She silently slipped away into the bathroom where she quickly rub on blush and put on red lipstick. Then she ran to her room to change her dress and shoes. She viewed herself in he mirror hurriedly touching her hair in place. Then, she heard her husband calling her from the living room, Chelo, Chelo. She appeared flirtatiously, prancing across him, asking him if he was hungry. He just stared at her all dolled up, mouth open. She laughed and reached over and kisses him. She felt as if she could breath again now that he was safe with them. There was always that fear that he would find another, younger and prettier than her in those long lonely months away from her but not today, today he was hers.

Most of that night he told stories of all that happened to him in the north. Then it was family’s turn to fill him in on what he missed: The little things that kids think are important and the blaming of the other sibling. His wife Chela interrupted them and told the children to go to bed, it was late. The children pleaded for more time but they were answered with an assurance that their father would be there in the morning. Once the kids were put away, Chelo has her husband all to her self. Her love for him burned deeper and his for her.

The kid awoke with the earliest of birds and rush into see him. That day was filled with parks and shopping. His girls held on to his hand every chance they got. The following day his wife complained about the difficulties of rearing the boys and her finances. Igancio suggested taking the eldest boy back with him: Julio who was twelve. With Julio working they could raise the money faster to pay for the processing fees that would allow the family to immigrate. They agreed.

The following Sunday arrived too quickly, the day of his return back north. His heart ached at the thought of being separated from all he cherished. He called his family together and told them that he had to leave. He kissed his wife and turned to his kids, hug and kisses them quickly then turned to Julio and asks him if he was ready. Julio’s mother had tears at the thought of her son leaving, she reached out to him, blessed him, and gave him a tight hug and kisses him on the cheek.

She turned to her husband and said, “ Please take care of my son.”

He nodded.

Then they both walked out the door, Ignacio and his son. The children cried out, pleading with their father to stay, pleading to go with him. Chelo leaning toward them, held back crying out the same things.

REUNITED

Once they were back, up north, they worked long hours and saved like squirrels. After ten months they had enough money to bring Hilda north and she helped with the housework. Eventually the entire family was able to immigrate.

As time passed Ignacio found a steady job in a factor and they bought a house in Southern California. From this experience, (being separated and struggling together to reunite) Sandra’s family learned to value each other and not take one another for granted. These were some of her family’s most cherishes memories of their youth. It was

Christmas and New Years rolled into one. The family learned to enjoy each moment and not to dwell on the future at the expense of the present.

Sandra’s mother was a small woman with blue eyes and light brown hair. When she spoke English she had a Russian’s accent and was mistaken repeatedly for an Eastern European. No one knew where she got her accent. She was an attractive woman always well groomed with clothes that drape and highlighted her shape. The poor lady could not walk down the street without some guys whistling and calling out “ Hey Chula.”

Sandra had the same seductive walk and charm as her mother. The first time I saw her, it was her walk that attracted me to her. She would glide across a floor walking with her steps narrowing as she stepped forward. This caused a slight sway of her hips. The movement accentuated her voluptuous figure with her 28 inches waist. I knew from the time I saw her that I had to make her mine. She had innocence’s about her. Her light brown eyes and her grin would have men falling all over themselves to take her out. I asked her to go out for dinner and she hesitated to answer. I mentioned that the food was really good and asked with my eyes, hoping she would say yes. She final agreed to go. I took her to a drive thru that had great Mexican food. She was probably expecting a nice sit down restaurant but she was gracious enough not to make a scene. I order two burritos and two drinks. When it came time to pay I was short five of the seven dollars. I forgot I bought something earlier that day. She lent me the five-dollar. I apologized for not having all the money and promised to make it up to her with a sit down diner in a nice restaurant. She gave me a reassuring smile, winked her eye and said that it was OK. I kept on taking her out for

four month. In the third month I knew she was the woman I wanted to marry and to have my children. I asked her repeatedly to marry me but she refused. She held back, telling me that I did not know her well enough. She finally agreed. After she accepted, I found how hard it was being engaged to a woman that beautiful. We would go to different places and other men would flirt with her right in front of me. She would always turn to me with a smile and wink to assure me that she was mine.

Her family gathered every weekend over a special meal just to celebrate being a family. There didn’t have to be a special reason, just the fact that they were together was enough. These gathering seemed to follow a ritual. Her father rose early to cut the grass and wash down the patio. As his sons arrived with their children each one of the sons started to help their father with the yard work. They would talk as they worked about their kids and their jobs. I heard the tenderness in their voices and saw the sincerity in their faces. The sons called their father “ Papi” which is an endearing word in Spanish for beloved father. At the end of the discussions they would always be laughing or joking as they put away their tools. As the daughters arrived they hugged their dad, gave him a little kiss on the cheek, and rushes to see their mother. Their mother eyes would open wide as she saw her daughters coming in the front door and a warm smile that rose from the depth of her heart would cover her face. It was the joy of a mother hen seeing her baby chicks comes home. “Mijita” and “mamita” , both words of endearment were words that followed every other word as they greeted one another.

After Don Ignacio put away his tools he walked briskly into the house, renewed by the thought of the barbecue to come. Inside the house he joked with his daughters and his wife Dona Chelo, then he disappeared into the bathroom. The sounds of the shower striking the floor and Don Ignacio could be heard. It was only a few minutes later that his grandsons rushed into the house and made a beeline straight for the bathroom. “ Abra la puetra, Abra la puetra, open the door, we have to pee, who’s in there ” they called out banging on the door. Dona Chelo sternly rebuked them for running in the house then chased them outside. “And don’t run! ” , were the last words the grandsons heard. They started to walk out, looked back to make sure she was not watching then ran to the back of the house, just outside the bedroom window. From the bedroom I heard their young voices talking to each other of how badly they had to pee. Then the sounds of zippers followed by the sounds of two competing streams hitting the side of the house. “ Hey, Chuyo what wrong with you... move over... you’re peeing on my leg” his cousin Jimmy complained.

After showering and changing clothes, Don Ignacio stepped outside to prepare the grill for the barbeque. He sang as he rolled out the grill, which he set under the canopy of a large pomegranate tree. Don Ignacio made a nice fire with the coals neatly arrange in a pyramid that quickly glowed an iridescent bright orange. His sons join in by setting up tables and white plastic chairs. The chairs were set in a semi circle to allow for the family members to face each other. The tables were just shelves for the food. Sandra’s older sister Hilda brought out two table clothes one white and the other plaid. Once the tables were covered, out came Dona Chelo and Sandra with corn chips, salsa and salads. Next to the table was a large ice cooler filled with beer and pop. Once the meat was done it was place in a platter in the middle of the table. Hilda watched as flies hovered over the meat looking to join the family. She hated insects, special flies! No sooner had a fly landed then she swat it dead.

The women served the food to the men first, than served the children. The men congregated on one side of chairs and the women on the other side. , Dona Chelo at on end Don Ignacio at other. The children set their plates on the table and ran off to play tag returning occasionally to sneak a bite. Hilda sat near the meat armed with her fly swatter, cocked ready to leap on any fly that dare land on the table.

They sat telling stories of family members and laughing. Julio, with his thick curly black hair, was the comic of the family and he never lacked an audience. He was his biggest fan. Susan the elder daughters with her deep religious faith left nothing to chances. She had an altar in her living room with candles and different Gods. She had Jesus, the Buddha, the Virgin de Guadalupe, and the Hindu elephant-headed God Ganesha. Julio confessed that night that he was the one who buried an old shoe at the back of her altar. He said he wanted to give her another Gods to worship for her birthday. Sometimes the person spoken of denied it happen that way and the laughter got harder. Sandra’s laughter was deep hearted, it rose higher until it reached a crescendo, and it was very contagious.

I was an outsider seeing this foreign interaction between family members. I felt sad and angry that my home life with my parents and sibling had been so different. My parent wanted us both my brothers and my sisters, to have money and power. They though it would bring us happiness, so they were preparing us. They pitted us against each other. They mocked us if we showed any tenderness or compassion. Sandra saw how I held back pretending to be tough and uncaring took me by my hand to her father. She introduced me as her future husband to the family. The whole family opened up their hearts to me.

There was one incident that happened during Christmas that showed how this family deal with things most families would fight over. We were at K-mark, a discount store, where Sandra was buying the last of the Christmas gifts. She needed one more gift for her dad and the store was about to close. I told her to pick up a box of house shoes that were on special and she did. Christmas came and went and everybody received a gift thanks to Sandra. In February her father came to the table shifting his head side to side like a spoil child. He addressed Sandra in a child like tone asking her whether she wanted to know something special.

Sandra looked up at her father and asked, “ What Papito”

“ You know that special gift you gave me for Christmas?” He asked as he pretended to be a shy little boy.

“ It’s the best gift I have ever received, … in my entire life.”

Sandra beamed with pride that her dad had enjoyed her gift and that it was the best of all the gifts.

“ That gift you gave me is not the kind of gift I could wear because its soooo...special!” Then he said, “ O yes, one of the shoes was a size 6 and the other one a size 15.”

Sandra turned red and then started to laugh and laugh and laugh. Her father then started to chuckle, which became a laugh. Soon the whole family was laughing.

Since meeting Sandra and her family I have taken on their values. I now feel whole and complete as a person. I have a new script in my heart, to enjoy the moment and not dwell on the future at the expense of the present.